My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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