she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
