Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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