you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
