he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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