he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
