Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
