no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
