FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
