I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
40s are totally the cure
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
