So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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