How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
