He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
