I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
