she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
