i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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