I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
