just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
