I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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