:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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