I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
