That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
