well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
