I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
ok first of all what the fuck
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
