she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
