You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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