Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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