Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
