woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I need a beard to bite.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
