how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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