Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
