If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
