i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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