So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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