I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
