kristin has been a bad kristin
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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