508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
