why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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