by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
