Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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