don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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