we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
