he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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