Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
