In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
