You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
