were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
