Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize