im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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