What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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