Define "chronic" masturbator.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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