Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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