You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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