why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This is the high leading the old right now
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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