K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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