I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
