would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
