my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize