Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
