ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
