Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
