He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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