Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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