i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
