win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
