I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
