Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
