Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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