Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
