Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
