quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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